The Journey Through Hell
by TechnoGryffin
Summary: Don and Sloan have been together nearly a year. Who knew getting engaged was such a struggle? Part III of The Adventures of Money Honey and Bubba.
1. Chapter 1

Written with the incomparable e-anomaly . tumblr . com!

The third story in The Adventures of Money Honey and Bubba!

Don and Sloan really are trying to make it work. Sometimes life tosses curveballs in your way.

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><p>Don Keefer sat at his desk looking at his computer monitor. He was trying to figure out who is going to win the election for New York city mayor. His eyes glanced right to a photo on his desk. I have been taken three months ago on the Fourth of July. He and Sloan had gone to Leona Lansing's party. The photo was the two of them with their arms wrapped around each other looking like there was no one else in the world. Fireworks behind them.<p>

Don did the math in his head quickly and figured out that he and Sloan had been dating for 11 months and nine days as it was Tuesday, October 15, 2013. They were coming up quickly on one year together as a couple. Don had to admit that it was the best year of his life. The suit against them for wrongful termination had been dismissed, ACN's ratings had gone up, Mac and Will got married. It was a really good years.

His and Sloan's relationship had been the best relationship he'd ever had. They lived basically together at her apartment. Most of his clothes that he wore on a regular basis were there. Next to hers in her closet. All of the things that he would've ever needed for the bathroom were also at her apartment; his favorite shampoo, the body wash you late, the stuff used for his hair, shave kit. Somehow they had kept their fighting to more bickering levels. Using it as a sort of foreplay. And it was, without a doubt the best sex of his life.

Don looked up from the photo and saw Sloan crossing the bullpen. All he could do was smile to himself. He was a lucky, lucky, man.

Every night, Sloan found herself repeating the words 'I love you' with a tiny kiss to Don's mouth. It was only one fraction of the new world that had been created around him, around them. She'd begun making lunch for them and packing it every day; her morning yoga was usually finished with steamy morning sex in the shower; instead of arguing with the crossword, she argued with Don about the crossword.

Sloan smiled to herself, holding the twin paper bags containing their lunch. Not only had this year found herself branching out in the kitchen, she also felt that her career had a strong enough foundation to really take off. The more hard-hitting stories she was able to knock out of the park, the more the ratings would tick up every few weeks. That would get the network's attention.

Poking her head into his office, she held up the bags. "Hey, Bubba. Hungry? I made your favorite..." Sloan crept around his desk and bent to kiss noisily over his cheek and jaw. "Mmm, you smell good. So... whatcha working on, Boss?"

Don didn't like pet names. But as soon as Sloan used Bubba and Boss with him he was hooked on them. He liked hearing them drop from her lips. Liked feeling her lips on his skin.

"I am trying to figure out the results of the elections before they happen. It's an off year so their aren't many but there are some." He turned, kissing her in full. "And you will be the lead on election night. Will and Elliot have given you the baton." He knew it was a big deal even if it was an off year.

Sloan slipped into his lap, arms around his neck, hugging him, her head pressed to his as she played with his tie. "Remind me to return the favor to them. Bottle of scotch and a weekend at the country club sounds to be in order, yeah?" She pat his chest. This felt right, them working together and sleeping next to one another at night. "Are you going to be in my ear?" The last election night they had ended in a kiss.

Don chuckled as he nodded. "They were going to give it to Jim but I pulled rank." Don knew Jim needed to learn but he was not going to learn on Sloan. She needed someone in her ear that she trusted. "Charlie caved in about 3 seconds so that means he just wanted me to ask for it. He likes to do that. Old codger." He moved his hands to hold on to her, keeping her close.

"Damn right you did." Sloan kissed his temple. She did not enjoy working beneath Jim all that much, though watching him send Maggie puppy eyes was amusing. "It's either you or Mac for me. Hands down." Zane could jump up his own ass.

Sloan sighed, kissing him again. "Are we still on for dinner late tonight? Our place." It was special for them.

"We are." Don nodded as he moved his hand over the side of her thigh. "I have a gift for you too. But I'll give it to you tonight." Don knew how much Sloan liked his leather jacket. So he found the same jacket in her size.

"How about you and I eat lunch and talk about something that has nothing to do with work for the next half hour?" Don loved the work they did, he did, but he also needed a few moments to not have work on his mind. "I have some news to share you'll like."

Sloan loved Don's tokens of affection. They were always something heartfelt. Her fingers unbuttoned her jacket and she toed off her heels. Sloan was officially on break. This was just lunch with her boyfriend. "Deal. What news?'

"You know how Ben and Janey have been together since their Freshman year of college and they just finished grad school?" Don was stalling a little bit. He knew that the news wouldn't be shocking. But it would put a topic they hadn't spoken about right in front of them.

"Ben popped the question to Janey on graduation day. They are getting married they think next fall."

Her sandwich consisted of thick sourdough bread, grilled chicken and sliced avocado with salt and crushed pepper. Taking a bite, she sighed. Damn that was tasty. "Wow, that's great!" Don never talked about things like this, especially when it seemed like a smoke screen. "And what's the *other* news? I see that look, Keefer."

Don felt his neck turning red. He took a bite of his sandwich trying to mask his nerves. He chewed slowly before finally swallowing.

"Two days ago my mom sent me a package. It was her mother's wedding rings. The engagement and wedding bands. As the oldest grandson she wanted me to have them when I was ready to use them. But I don't know if I am."

Sloan nearly choked on a bite. Clearing her throat, she reached for his bottled water and took a sip, pretending that the news didn't rattle her. Of course she'd thought about it- and in the moment when he said that he wasn't ready, Sloan realized that she was far more ready than he. Oh boy.

"You know that I'd never push you. Ever." Her hand pat his cheek. "I think it's wonderful that they sent them to you. Keep them safe." Whether or not they get married. Sloan, not one to ever let a thing like this go, still wondered why.

Don felt like he needed to explain to her why he felt the way he did but he wasn't sure. "I love you. And we pretty much live together. We have a life, we're building a life together. And I love that. I am so happy with that." Here he paused, his eyes cast downward.

"What happens if I ask you and things go to shit? We'd have to plan a wedding and we'd have to combine our lives. We'd have to talk about money and about who does what. We'd have to do all these things I'm scared of. I just don't want things to change."

Sloan nodded, silent. Dabbing the corners of her mouth before standing up and retrieving her shoes. "That's the thing about this. Me and you-" Sloan held up her hands. "No one knows what's going to happen. And if you think about it, we've already changed an awful lot."

Mac knocked on the door to his office, poking her head in. "Can I borrow Sloan?"

She sighed and buttoned her jacket, shaking her head to Don. "Sorry, I'll be back... maybe." Who knows how long she'd be borrowed for.

Don dropped his head down on his desk. "Shit." He muttered to himself. He thought she'd back him up. Say she didn't want anything to change either. Shit.

The next day Don was sitting at his desk. He flipped though different stories about ACN. He liked to goggle the company and a few other things each day to see if anything needed to be handled.

"Shit." He said when he saw a story posted. "The Cheating EP?" Read the headline. It was a photo of him and one of the sources he used when dealing with hooker scandals. He met with her last week when it turned out a congressman was using hookers on the clock.

He headed up to Sloan's office to see if she had seen it and to explain himself.

When Sloan opened the link, she wondered why there were multiple pairs of eyes on her office. It was only after she clicked it and felt her stomach lurch. Don in a nice restaurant, wearing a jacket, sitting at an intimate table for two with a lovely blonde. The headline was most definitely a way to grab the reader and rope them in- That was not the only the part of what bothered her about this photo.

The photo was dated the night that Don said he 'didn't feel up to coming over.' "Sonofabitch."

Don walked in looking like a man who was walking toward death. "Oh good, you've seen it." Don muttered to himself more than for her. "Look it's not what you think. I am not having an affair. She's a hooker." He said like that should have explained all that she needed to know about her.

"When the congressman from Florida was found to have been using hookers I needed some info. Candy is who I use when I need to understand the high class call girl world. It's just a business meeting. That's all that happened." Don promised.

Sloan sat up straighter and gestured for him to come closer. "Shut the door and take a seat." Her voice was even and chilly. "Whenever you're ready."

Don did as he was told, sitting across from her. "When the story came out he was using hookers it was set up like he had no idea the girl he was seeing was. So I called Candy who has ties to DC and I set up a meeting. She and I talked about how it worked. She knew one of the girls he saw so she gave me some stuff for background."

Sloan stared at him. She held up her hand for him to stop talking to her. Tossing the paper in his lap, she pointed to the photo. "Timestamp from AP. Bottom right, next to the credit. Read it to me."

"October 6, 2013; 11:52 pm." Don winced a little bit. Though he wasn't sure why. This was proving a point she had, that he was sure of, but he wasn't sure what point.

"When you call me and tell me some half-assed story that you're not up to coming over, you feel like you might be coming down with something, try not to draw so much attention to yourself at a 3-star French restaurant in the city with a high-class hooker." Sloan spat. "But thanks for giving the rest of the department something to gawk at." She gestured to the six pairs of eyes glued to her office, gossiping amongst each other.

Her eyes caught sight of Mac, tapping her watch. "I've got to go." Without another word, she headed to makeup, getting ready for her timeslot.

Don sat there as Sloan left him. She was pissed and rightly so. But he felt like he was being overly punished. Though with how mad she was he wasn't going to comment on that.

He headed downstairs and into Will's office. "Look, you and Mac and married. And I know she's going to be on Sloan's side. But I need help and you are with someone as smart and stubborn as Sloan." He begged Will for help after explaining to him what happened. "What do I do?"

Will sat forward in his chair, looking at the younger man. "First of all, kiss your ass goodbye, my friend." A big hand clapped his shoulder. "No, really- So you told a little white lie, yeah? Which would have been no big deal, but you take a source to *dinner*? A gorgeous blonde haired, blue-eyed source/escort who could suck the chrome off a bumper." Will held up his index finger. "This after basically crushing any hopes that woman has for moving forward with you?" He scoffed.

"What you told her you liked was all the cutesy fun shit you do in a relationship. You fuck when you're bored, which is constantly. You're together but you're not- which you don't want to end, because commitment makes you antsy.

You know, when you could be out having *dinner with a fucking escort*. Dumbass."

Don felt the blood drain from his face as Will kept talking. "I don't just want to cutesy fun stuff. I love when she challenges me. I love working with her even though she likes to put her ass on the line as much as Mac does. Though Sloan's on the air and Mac is just in your ear." Don muttered as he ran a hand though his hair. That reminded him, he needed a hair cut.

"I love her but I have a horrible track record with women. I don't want things to change and her and I end up not staying together. She's the most important person in my life. She's everything I could want in a wife, in a girlfriend." Don shook his head at his own slip.

"Candy, the escort, told me not to tell Sloan what I was doing. She said it would cause a fight." He added as a weak defense.

Will couldn't help it; he doubled over in his chair, laughing so hard he was crying. Wiping at his eyes, he gestured for Don to give him a minute to catch his breath. "Jesus, that's classic... Ha! Did she say this while she was touching your leg?" Will flipped to the inside photos, which make it seem as though they were having an intimate dinner- not at all about work, what with them whispering to each other and her hand beneath the table.

He paused for a moment, blinking as he looked Don over. "Mackenzie, just in my ear? Do you know what being with someone is actually like or did you not pay attention when you weren't balls deep in the flavor of the month?" His eyes leveled with him. "They are in you. All the time. That woman, who is 'just' in my ear, is my conscience. She puts her ass on the line for me. For us.

Can you say the same for you? Because I'd be willing to bet Sloan would say no. Not after today. This is the proverbial seed of doubt, Don. You just planted it. So try to not to seem so fucking surprised. You sabotage yourself. Constantly."

Don sat down, feeling a bit defeated. "She wasn't touching me. At least not after the first 90 seconds when I told her that I wouldn't be seeking her services outside of work. I didn't want to cheat on Sloan. I love her. I know what happened with the last guy that did that to her." He looked at his hands trying to figure out what he needed to do.

"I want her to be my wife one day. I want us to have kids and to have a life. I want to be her permeant EP. I want us to build a show together like you and Mac have done. I want to fight over should this go in the A block or the C block." He ran his hand over the back of his neck, shaking his head.

"Before Sloan I never wanted it, you know? Marriage, hell no. Kids, I'd rather pay for an abortion. I didn't want to be tied down. I didn't want someone to want to be my wife. And then Sloan kissed me and I started to crave it. I thought she and I were happy where we were." He looked back at Will.

"Tell me how to fix this. Because she's it for me."

"Why do you assume that she wasn't happy?" Will gestured down to the floor where Sloan was no doubt being tweezed and pressed into a dress. "She doesn't just glow because of the tan. She is in love with you. It's obvious, to everyone with eyesight." He needed to drop some sense onto Don, even if it started a fight. Will rubbed at his knee, looking over at his wedding photo. What a day.

"How you fix it? You can't. You just move on. Nothing you can say or do can take away the memory of this for her." Will leaned forward. "And then you pull your head out of your goddamned ass- because you're in love, bub. And it's scary as hell. But you hang on and take the ride, because *she* is fucking worth it and then some." Will pointed to the door. "Out."

Don got up and walked out. He was heading to his office but he somehow found himself in the make up room. He walked over to her, bending his head and kissing her. He didn't care if the make up people liked it or not.

"I love you. I am scared. But damnit I love you." He whispered against her lips. "And I promise that I'm working though all the bullshit in my head. I love you." He pressed his lips to hers again before he walked out.

The three people working on her grumbled and began to fix what he had smudged. Sloan hadn't had time to react, too stunned to say anything. Really though, there was nothing to say. This was where their honeymoon phase stopped, she guessed. Sloan was sad to see it go, but it needed to. She shut her eyes and took deep breaths. Mac's hands brushing against her hair as she struggled to not cry. "Take a breath." She soothed. "That's a girl."

The interview that she had was going to be a fun one. Tonight it was with the quarterback from The Packers. Young, fit and charismatic, the pre-interview had her in stitches, telling jokes back and forth. He rubbed his chin. "I cannot believe *you* like sports. You're something else, you know that?"

Sloan laughed, tucking her hair behind her ear. Off the stage, Mac's eyes rose and she smirked. Smooth. So very smooth.

Don closed his eyes, pitching the bridge of his nose. "Sloan, please. I am trying. I swear to God I am." He felt like the world he and she built over the last year was falling away. When did they stop just clicking? Why was this so much harder than 48 hours ago?

"We're 3 and a half to air. For the next 63 and a half minutes please forget that I'm a fuck up and let's do the news." He wanted to punch something. Namely himself.

The interview was great fun. Aaron stayed to part ways with Sloan. "Anytime, you call my agent. I'll get you sideline seats." A bright smile. "You can cheer for me in person. I'll see you around, Sabbith."

Her knees wobbled a bit. This was a man who was a serious athlete, not to mention handsome. It felt nice, in a way, to have that to distract her from the imploding mass that was she and Don- and nice that he didn't like it. Too motherfucking bad. She didn't like being lied to, having to worry *again* that she wasn't enough for her lover. Was it that irrational to not want to be lied to about something as simple as work?

Aaron and his entourage left the building, signing autographs on the way out. Sloan, meanwhile, headed for her office to take notes for the next night's piece.

Don was sitting on her couch, his head in his hands. He didn't feel well after that. Watching Sloan look so perfect and not needing him to feed her questions or help her at all made him feel useless.

"Do you want to marry me?" Don asked when she walked in. "And I am asking because I feel like you do and you were hurt when I said I wasn't ready." He said, looking at her, trying to keep it together.

Sloan was not surprised to see him; she knew he'd be somewhere waiting for her- office, hallway, stairs, car. Home. She crossed her arms and blinked. "What gave it away?" She shook her head. "Really, Don- we *live* together. Let's not mince words. I was happy, you were happy- and just when I think I can relax... this. Do I look like I'm wearing a wedding dress right now? Do I want to get married someday, maybe? Yeah. It'd be nice.

"What confused me was the immediate reaction like we were weeks away from a wedding and you were putting on the brakes. Don't assume, Donald. I'm too old for that shit." She was annoyed and tired. What did he want her to say?

"Then will you marry me?" Don asked. He didn't know what else to do. If he didn't ask the sore was going to fester. He didn't want his own phobia of commitment to get in the way of the most amazing thing he ever had.

"I'm asking here Sloan, really asking." Don stood up, taking a few steps toward her. "I love you. I can't think of a future life for myself that doesn't have you in it. I can't think of a way for myself to stay at ACN, hell to stay in news, that doesn't include you. So I'm asking you to marry me. You want it and I want you."

As he spoke, she broke down. Not like this. No. Please don't- not now. Not after all of this. "I want to marry you, Donald." Tears strained her voice. "But not like this. Not like this." Sloan wiped at her eyes and tried to take a breath.

"You're asking me because you're afraid you're going to lose me. I can't be the crutch. Marriage can't be the answer to a problem." She wanted, needed, him to understand.

Don swallowed down the bile that was raising. "I want to spend the rest of my life with you. When did that become so fucking hard?" He asked. "When did you and me being a team and building a life together get so fucking hard?" He felt like he might cry, something that he very much didn't want to do in front of her.

Sloan raised her voice. "When you started lying to me about work! When you tell me you're not ready to marry me- when I didn't even fucking ask you, Don! Jesus fucking Christ-" She pointed angrily out into the room full of people now slowing due to the commotion. Mac stood with her hand over her forehead. Oh no.

"You don't want a team. You want *this*. It'd be nice if you'd save me the time of figuring that out while looking at a photo with that woman." Jealous? Yes. Scared he was going to cheat? Oh please. In her mind, it wasn't an if- it was a when. Don and his 'breaks' were an excuse.

What else was she going to find out about him now?

"I haven't been with anyone since you kissed me. Not a single person. I haven't kissed or touched sexually or fucked another woman. Because you are everything I want. You are everything that I could ask for. You're smart and you're funny and you are undeniably sexy."

Don stepped forward, his hands balled into fists at his side. "I'm in love with you. Deeply. I got scared when my mom sent me the ring because for the first time in my life I wanted someone to wear it. I got scared. I got scared and I should have said that but I didn't." He advanced, his hands still balled up. "But I didn't sleep with a hooker. And I don't want to sleep with anyone but you. Ever again."

Her hands moved into her hair, giving a muffled cry of frustration. "Good for you! You deserve a medal. You managed to not fuck someone else." She pointed to her heart. "I have been cheated on enough times to know that in the end, it doesn't matter if you're *the one*." Her ex had effectively crushed any of her confidence in a long-term relationship- something that they were rapidly approaching.

"But guess what- That doesn't change my answer. Yeah, I love you, you love me." Her voice was clear. "And as much as it kills me, no, Don. No."

Don walked back to the couch and sat down. "Are you breaking up with me too or just turning me down to marry you?" He asked. She had no idea how much it took out of him to ask her to marry him and be told no. No matter how much he knew this might not be the perfect time to ask her. "Because if you are then I might as well go hand in a resignation note too."

Her tears came back and wrapped themselves in her dry laugh. "What is fucking *happening* right now?" Sloan held up her hands. "I give up. What are you thinking? Hmm? That I'd forget today? I expected you to be my boyfriend and *talk* to me." She was so angry, but she remained in her spot, trying to fight the urge to run; run from the building, leave her phone, pack a bag and go hide. Lick her wounds, whether or not they were caused by him.

Don didn't say anything for a few long moments. "I asked someone to marry me before. College. I thought she would be my wife. She was smart, though not as smart as you are, she was pretty and she was mine. And I loved her. And I asked her and she laughed at me. Laughed. And told me that I was just some guy that she could fuck and who could pay half her rent. I wasn't the good guy that women wanted to marry." He muttered, looking up at her.

"Until you that's how I lived. Until you I let myself be the bad guy because I got my heart torn out of my chest." He looked down, his head going back into his hands. "I got scared because I do want to marry you. I want to marry you and I don't know how to stop hearing the sound of that laugh out of my head."

Sloan hung her head, trying to keep her hands from shaking. Her heart was racing, blood pressure climbing. "I am not her." Her voice was soft, Sloan unable to speak any louder. Raising her voice had roughened her throat enough to hurt to speak. "I'm not her and you're not my ex.

"But I cannot do this with you." Shame at her lack of professionalism in the workplace flushed her face as she saw Mac looking at the floor and shaking her head. "Not here. Not tonight."

This was a side of Don she'd never seen. What else did she not know?

"Yeah." Don said flatly. "I'm going to go back to my place tonight." He pulled the ring out of his pocket and set it on her desk once he got up. "Wear it, don't wear it, put it on your right hand. The ring is yours now. I'm too tired to fight you on it." He leaned in, kissing her chest before he walked out. His shoulders shook as he went down the stairs and headed to the elevators.

Sloan heard the elevator doors slide shut and this was when she crumbled. Slumping onto the sofa and holding her head, she wept. All energy out of her, she lay her head down on the cushion and covered herself with her jacket. It wasn't heavy and comforting like Don's.

Don.

She cried harder. Was it her fault? All of this? The ring sat in the box, unopened. She didn't dare touch it, as if touching it would curse her further.

Mac was shutting the office door behind her and knelt in front of the couch, tilting her head to rest on the cushion and meet Sloan's eyes. She said nothing. She didn't have to.

Sloan reached for her friend and buried her face in her shoulder, sobbing her heart out.

Will, meanwhile, had already grabbed his jacket and was heading across the lobby when he hear the elevator doors open. Standing still, hands in his pockets, he pulled a face. "You alright?" In actuality he wanted to deck him. Fucking. Idiot.

Don shook his head. "No. I'm not." Don said, feeling like he was going to vomit. "I think I broke us. I broke us and I tried to fix us and I fucked us up more. I thought that she would understand having your heart ripped out and not knowing how to get back there with someone else."

He ran his hand over his face as he bent over, feeling like he was either having a panic attack or a heart attack. "I want to fucking hit something. Or be hit. I don't know. I love her and I want to go 48 hours back and never tell her Janey was getting married."

Will nodded along with him. "Hmm. So, basically you ignored my advice and fucked it up instead of leaving it alone." Now he was pissed. Gesturing to the elevator doors. "Sloan knows more than you and I combined! She was *this close* and her world ended. She moved jobs; she moved cities. And you dangle the *one* thing that she never got and tell her that you can't think of another way to fix you both.

"I'd hit you, but I want to so I'd actually hurt you and that won't help you. So go to the gym and go at the heavy bag until you pass the fuck out." A slap to his back as he walked away. "Chin up, Don. Chin up."

Don stood by the vending machine that night. He had a cut on his cheek and his knuckles were busted. After the show he went to the gym and did some boxing. No glove boxing where with each punch he felt more and more alive.

He didn't want to go back to his place and be reminded he was alone and he didn't dare go to Sloan's. So he came to sleep in his office.

Sloan was on the couch in the middle of the night, shaking and feeling as though she could get sick in mere minutes. Her eyes hurt, her hair hurt. She was cold. She needed something to drink or she'd disintegrate.

Walking down the steps, she paused when she saw the shape of a person in front of the vending machine, half in and half out of the light. Two more steps forward and she gasped. It was Don - and he was bloody.

Don turned around, a Pepsi in one hand and a Twix bar in the other. His right eye was nearly swollen shut. For a moment he didn't do anything before he took a single step forward.

"I went to the gym to do some boxing. The guys there get younger and younger." He said, trying to break the tension and explain to her why he looked the way he did.

She wanted to take care of him, fighting the urge to reach out and touch him. Hold him. The other part of her brain rallied. No. This is not your fight to *fix*.

"Why are you here?"

"Because I couldn't go to your place and I couldn't go to my place." Don muttered, feeling like he was about a foot and a half tall. "I don't have anything at my place anymore. I keep a set of clothes here incase of big stuff." He added, moving one hand to rub at his eye.

"No-Don't-" Sloan raised a hand but stopped midway. What was she doing? She couldn't be doing this. "You'll hurt it more. Put- Put your Pepsi against it. It'll-" Her voice cracked. "It'll take the swelling down."

Don did as he suggested, groaning at how good it felt. "Can we go to one of our offices and talk? Please?" Don requested. "I think if we just talk and try to figure out what happened maybe you and I can get past this. I don't want to break up. I don't want to not have you in my life anymore."

Sloan shuffled her feet for a moment and nodded once. "Okay." What could the harm be in a talk? At this point, it wasn't like she could feel any worse. Her skin crawled at the draft coming down the hall. Nausea hovered over her.

Don reached out to take her hand. He missed touching her even if just a few days ago they spent a weekend laying in bed and making love. His blood shimmered slightly, the slice on one of his knuckles having reopened.

She let her fingers curl gently around the tips of his, careful to not hurt him. All the while Sloan stared at his hand. Why would he have done this, allowed himself to be hurt? On the flip side, had he been that angry?

Don settled on her couch once they were in her office. He put his feet up and held the soda back to his eye. "Do you want me to go first or do you want to say something to me before I go?" He felt like his lungs were on fire.

"I slept here. On the couch. Tried to." One hand covered her stomach. God, Sloan prayed silently, please don't get sick.

Don put the drink down and leaned back, his arm on the back of the couch. "Sometimes when I'm scared I get stupid. I forgot for a moment what is going on and I get stupid." He took a breath, trying to keep his mind off of how much he wanted to cuddle up with her. "I am sorry. For all of it."

"But that's the thing, Don." Her voice cracked, making her wince and speak softer. "You didn't tell me how you felt. We've been together almost a solid year now and I was clueless." A sharp lump in her throat made her frown, looking down at her carpet as she nodded.

"I should have told you about Amanda. I should have explained where the bad guy act comes from." Don nodded. "It's hard to tell people that I was that much of a softie and I got hurt that badly. It's hard to admit I was so wrong about someone I loved so much.'

She wanted to lay her head in his lap, pull him into a hug so badly it hurt her to not move. "But if I'm supposed to be there, a part of your life, I need to know. Just like you need to know about Damon. Being wrong happens. Being blind happens."

"It does." Don agreed. "I want you to know about my past. I want you to be my future." He was done fighting for his independence when it was clear their interdependence was so important. "I want to marry you Sloan. No games and no pressure from anyone else."

Sloan looked up at him, eyes red rimmed and welled with tears. Her eyes hurt. "I want us to be something. And maybe we will be married someday. I would like that. But I'm not going to say yes tonight." Please let him understand.

Don hated that he looked disappointed but he knew he did. "If you feel that way then I have no choice but to understand." He felt the bile back in his throat. "You had someone ask you that once and you said yes and it went to shit. I guess that makes sense why you might be hesitant to say yes to me."

She raised her hands before letting them drop to her sides. "No, Don! I'm saying no because we've spent the day like this. And really? You'd trust my yes? Or would it just keep coming up again and again, that maybe you feel like I'm Amanda- waiting to just crush you..." Sloan had never met a more frustrating person.

"I am trying to understand." Don said, starting to feel like he was some kind of toy. "I asked you again, this time I asked you without feeling any pressure from you, and you turned me down again. I was trying to make it ok because this time it fucking hurt." He smacked the couch cushion next to him.

She could see his temper flare as he hit the cushion and recoiled, an instant subconscious reaction; that he may have the ability to get physically angry with her. Sloan was quick to put distance between them. "I wasn't trying to pressure you." Her tears wet her cheeks again, stinging the dry skin. "Please don't get angry with me."

Don tilted his head as he looked at her reaction. "Sloan?" He whispered, feeling like someone just shot him full of a tranquilizer. "Honey what is going on?" There was something. Something he didn't know. She wouldn't have reacted like that without some amount of past experience. And Don knew it wasn't from him. Usually when he yelled she yelled back.

She had never told him, or her parents, that Damon had a short fuse. Sloan was always careful to not incur his wrath. The last time she had, he'd nearly taken the bathroom door of its hinges. Trying to get to her. "I have a hard time with loud noises sometimes. Like yelling, glass breaking..."

"He hit you." It wasn't a question.

It took everything in Don not to leap up and demand to know what he did, how he abused her. He wanted to run out of the building and to that scums apartment so he could beat him for ever thinking he had the right to hurt Sloan.

Instead he slowly got to his feet, keeping his hands in her sight. "Would it be alright if I hold you?" He asked, wanting to be very careful about his next few moves.

Her silence spoke volumes as did the way she opened her arms to him, tears still tracing down her cheeks, wetting her neck.

Don moved slowly to her, not wanting to make any quick movements. He gathered her in his arms, not holding her too tightly. "It doesn't matter how pissed off I get, I will never put my hands on you to hurt you. I am not that kind of guy Sloan." Don muttered, nuzzling her neck even if it stung. "I don't hurt women."

This touch was a welcome comfort after today. That only reaffirmed to her just how much she needed him. Sloan hugged herself to his chest and rubbed over his back. "I'm sorry, Donny. I know you're not him." A broken sigh. "Today really sucked."

"Yes, it did." Don whispered, nuzzling her neck again. He pulled back and tried to figure out if he was going to do it or not. If she said no for a third time it was going to crush him but if she said yes then he could forget about the laughing he could still hear in his head. He could move forward without that around his neck.

He turned back and picked up the ring back. Slowly, the guy he boxed with got him low a few times, he got on one knee. "I've done this wrong a few times but right now I want to give doing it right a shot. I love you and that's a fact. I love sleeping next to you, I love having sex, I love fighting over stories and over big important things. And I'm asking because I see it now. The great apartment and the kids and us as a team. Sloan, will you marry me?"

Seeing him so broken, on one knee in her office made her move to him and softly kiss over his bruised face. "Yes, I will marry you. On one condition. You ask me again in six months. I'll wear the ring every day or around my neck. I am yours, Donny. I love you."

Don swallowed thickly but agreed to her term. "Can you just put it on for a little while?" Don whispered, holding her hand in his battered one. "You can take it off before anyone gets here, you can take it off whenever you want. But just for a second can you put it on and say that you love me?" The one eye that wasn't swollen shut was tearing up.

"Shh, shhh... I'm going to wear it, right where it belongs." Sloan held out her left hand to him, crying gently, touching his face.

Don slipped the ring on her finger. It needed to be sized, a half a size too big for her. "I'll take it and get it fixed so it fits." He joined their hands looking at the ring that his grandfather saved for two years to be able to afford. "I love you alright? Just remember that I love you."

Sloan whimpered, moving to stand on tiptoe and kiss the part of mouth that we undamaged. "I love you, Don. I love you so much." Pressing her cheek to his, she whispered. "Let's go home and sleep until noon."

"That is going to make it very hard for us to both do our shows but fuck it. They can go a half day without us." Don muttered as he put his hand on her back. He pulled his phone out and sent a quick email to Mac. She owned him a favor from a few weeks ago. "Let's go home."


	2. Chapter 2

Written with the incomparable e-anomaly . tumblr . com!

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><p>The incessant chirping of her phone's alarm woke her from a very fine dream. A hand shot out from beneath the covers to slap at it, knocking it from the end table and just under the bed. A slew of quiet curses as the bump on the right side of the bed began to wriggle and creep towards the edge of the mattress. The same hand felt around on the floor and snagged it up.<p>

Eyes blurry with sleep and her comforter over her head, she held the phone inches from her face. November 6, 2013. A slow smile and she looked over at the man that created the bump on the left side of the bed. She and Don had been a couple since that night.

What a year.

Holding the phone to her chest, she leaned towards him to kiss his mouth gently. "Happy Anniversary, Bubba." Her whisper was shaped by her smile.

The last few weeks had not been kind to Don and Sloan but overall the year had been. They had gotten to a point they were able to fight, maybe that was a sign of growth.

Don shifted as he woke up so he could wrap an arm around her. "Happy Anniversary Money Honey." He kissed her again, reaching under his pillow and pulling a small box out. "I got you a little something."

Don wanted to get her something she would wear all the time. He found a pendant with both their birthstones, green Tourmaline for hers and blue Sapphire for his, in the center of the infinity symbol. "I hope you like it."

Sloan was shifting closer to him, cradling the petite box. "Oh honey..." Cold fingers pried the box open and covered her mouth as a tiny gasp came from it. "This is... beautiful."

The necklace that she wore most often, a sleek 14 karat gold bar hanging from a delicate chain, would be soon replaced with this. "I'll never take it off." She leaned over to kiss him softly, nuzzling him. "Thank you so much." It was far more than just a necklace to her. This was a piece of him she could have close even when they were apart.

"Your surprise is tomorrow night." She was taking him to a game. Sideline seating for two and an autographed ball from his favorite player ever.

"You're going to do a poll dance in my office while singing Happy Birthday Mr. President?" Don smirked, wrapping her up in his arms. Ever since the fight about two weeks ago they had been going though a period of reclaiming their relationship. Making sure they were solid again.

Sloan laughed, snuggling against him, her leg draping over his hip. "I could arrange that."

"I did get us dinner reservations for tonight. I wanted us to be able to eat so Mac is covering 10 pm for me. I'm just getting it all set today and then handing it over." Don had to beg but in the end Mac agreed. As long as he did the same for her. "We're eating at a normal dinner time."

She buried her face in his neck and took a breath. The scars were still visible on his knuckles, but they were repairing themselves every moment spent together. "And we can actually enjoy each other without having to hurry."

"We're going to have a nice meal and then come home." Don ran his hand over her back. "And I have a second gift for you. That you are going to love and I am going to slightly hate. You'll understand when you see it." He got her a Deluxe Edition Monopoly in wooden case. It was expensive but worth it. And he hoped she would love it.

Sloan let her eyes close and murmured to him. "Oh honey... You're too good to me. Just being with me is enough." Her arms hugged him tighter, moving in close for another kiss as her alarm went off, causing her to grumble and roll onto her back. "Yes, yes. I'm up!" She pat his thigh. "I'm going to hop in the shower if you want to start up the coffee and join me."

"Isn't it shark week?" Don loved sex but even his love of it couldn't overcome his dislike of blood. He usually gave Sloan a pretty wide birth around the week she had her period. "I mean wouldn't you be more comfortable in there alone?"

She let out a scoff and stuck out her tongue. "Such a baby. Fine- now go on. Coffee- Oh! Waffles too." Blowing him a kiss, Sloan made for the bathroom, not wanting to touch the cold wood floor.

Shutting the door behind her, her routine began. Her hair was brushed out, clothes put into the hamper. Feminine products were stashed in a handy carry-case beneath the sink. Humming softly to herself, she opened the dark mahogany door and paused. That was odd... It was completely full. Not one tampon gone from the pack.

Then her blood ran cold. She always used at least 10 or so in a week. Half of one side would be gone but all were there. She was late. Very late. Heart in her throat, she pulled up her calendar. Two weeks late.

Standing beneath the spray, Sloan stood still. One hand moved to her belly. She'd been feeling off these last few days. Nauseated. Strong smells bothered her.

The chance that she was pregnant became more real with each passing moment.

In the kitchen Don was standing in his boxers. He was waiting for the waffle iron to heat up while the coffee brewed. He was finally feeling like he and Sloan were alright again. The issues over their not really engagement felt much more settled than 2 weeks ago when it happened. They had an agreement to wait the 6 months until the sting was off. Nothing wrong with that at all.

Even if the idea that she was wearing the ring but not on the right finger made him want to hit some guy in the boxing ring until he couldn't lift his arms anymore.

Sloan felt numb as she padded to the kitchen, hair damp until after breakfast. All color had drained from her face. In her head, a million scenarios played out. Each one had no concrete result at the end.

Worrying her hands as she slid into the seat at the kitchen island, Sloan felt the engagement ring. It sat upon her right hand middle finger as it was still too large. But that had been alright. They had time. Or she thought they had time. Now? Now she wasn't so sure.

Don looked over Sloan, setting a plate full of waffles in front of her. "Are you alright?" He asked, feeling like something happened and he wasn't apart of it. "Something happened or you got some news?" He asked, trying to figure out when she went from cuddling and lovey to looking like she might be sick.

She started, shaking her head. "No, nothing like that. Just feeling a bit off." It's nothing, Sloan assured him. What she needed was to know definitively before she told him anything. But he did need to know. Another part of her brain imagined a little girl with dark pigtails being read to at night, Don barefoot atop her little bed so she wouldn't feel alone.

Sloan grit her teeth and dug into her waffles. "Thank you, sweetheart. You know just how I like them."

Don leaned against the counter. "No." Don said, shaking his head. "We just went though a huge and very scary fight where we nearly broke up because we didn't talk. There is something going on and I am asking you to tell me." He had to try to be better. If he didn't stay asking the questions and not letting her skate away when she didn't want to answer they would be in the same loop of bad communication.

She swallowed thickly, pushing away the plate of waffles in silence. He was right, of course he was right. This was too big a thing to wait on, either way. "Okay. Alright. It's just- I haven't been feeling right these last few days. Remember in the meeting? The smell of perfume made me nearly be sick."

Her eyes were wide as she told him about the date. "It should have been shark week, Don. Two weeks ago. I'm two weeks late."

Don slowly sat down, feeling going out of his legs. "Late." He said the word a few times, letting it fill his mouth. He wasn't a fan of the idea of her being late but he knew that something they very much enjoyed doing put that into play.

He tried to figure out what to say to both ask the questions he wanted answered and not come off as a dick. "Firstly I feel like I should say that I am here for you. If you are and if you aren't." He paused a moment. "How often are you late for no reason?"

Sloan watched him, hands reaching towards him across the countertop, as if that was safer than outright touching his skin. As Don spoke, telling her that he was there for her, she heaved a sigh of relief. Not that she'd ever doubted it, not with how much he loved her and she loved him. But still...

Stress could make anyone miss a cycle or two. But with Sloan, she was like clockwork. Save for one time. "The month I broke up with Damon, I skipped. That was it." Not finals week; not switching jobs; not nudes being leaked. Nothing. Until now.

Don nodded as he looked at her and then away again. "So odds are you're pregnant. And odds are certain it's mine." Don didn't say it as a question but he felt the need to say it. He wanted her to somehow be able to correct it if it wasn't true. Though he knew in his heart it was.

"Three options. The same three options we would have had at 16 and 20 and whatever other ages we would find ourselves sitting at a table talking about this. Termination, adoption and keeping it." Don grabbed his juice, swallowing it in one go. "Adoption is off the table. We have this baby and we're damn well keeping it."

Her eyes were still wide, unblinking as he spoke. Nodding to him, she reached for his knee, needing to touch him. Sloan had never had something like this happen to her before. She'd always been careful, even doubly so; there were times when she'd been on the pill and had the man wear a condom. But here, with Don, it was just condoms.

She was following along with him when he got to the options and through process of elimination, came to the two options they had. "So we have two options. Keeping it." She swallowed. "Or-" Aborting. Getting rid of. They all sounded like a punishment to her. As though she hadn't been a good person in life and wasn't allowed to keep a child. "Terminating it."

Don put his hand on her hand on his knee. His fingers covered hers. "Can we take that hit and get back up?" Don asked softly. "Can you lay down on that table or take the pill or whatever it is and even let me touch you again? Because ready or not if the answer is no to that question we're having this baby. Because I refuse to be the guy that asks his girlfriend to . . . because he can't man up."

Don had very nearly been that man once but that wasn't something Sloan knew about. In his 20's he was seeing someone who he got pregnant. She thankfully miscarried, even if he knew he was going to hell for being glad she did. "I would stay Sloan. Forget two weeks ago. Forget all our past relationship bullshit. You have my kid and that's game over. We're together for the rest of time."

Sloan began to tear up as he spoke. Her eyes downturned to their joined hands as she shook her head. She knew they couldn't survive it, would that be the choice they made.

There was still a part of her that doubted he would stay, a nagging persistent voice in the very back of her mind. Cluttered thoughts made her shake her head. Reaching out for him, she shut her eyes.

"I know that the last few weeks haven't been smooth. We managed to go 11 months without a huge dramatic fight that made us both sick. But right now that doesn't matter." Don took her right hand, kissing the palm. "We might have created something together Sloan. And I believe in a woman's right to decide if she has kids, but we made something. And I don't think we should unmake it."

Sloan took a deep breath and let it out through pursed lips, nodding to him. Her other hand cupped his cheek, pressing her forehead to his. "We need to be certain."

The clinic offered tests without any questions. The only concern was knowing immediately. "Will-Will you come with me today? I- We need to know for certain. Today." Today was their anniversary. Now there was a chance it would be a highlight for another reason.

"A pack of angry TMZ reporters wouldn't be able to keep me away." Don chuckled softly as he moved his hand to her belly. "A little girl with my charm and your brains wouldn't be so bad. Spunky and smart, bull headed. Able to take down anyone in her path? It might be nice to have a family of our own."

Her hand covered his, trying to calm. Her mind was cluttered for the remainder of their time in the kitchen. Picking at her waffle until she had to get up and get dressed. Their day had to go on long enough for Don to do what he needed to, for Sloan to get ready for the next show- not to mention that she had to manage to walk through the door of a clinic, hand in hand with him.

Negative.

Don had never had such heartbreak over getting tests from a doctor and hearing they were negative before.

Even though he had known Sloan might be pregnant for less than 6 hours he'd already made plans. He bought her something too. And now it was all gone. There would be no room to decorate. There would be no strapping the baby to his chest during his show. There would be no pregnant Sloan to hold and get weird food at 2 am for.

"I've got to tell you that I'm disappointed." Don muttered, leaning back in his office chair. Sloan stood before him, he couldn't read her expression. "I know it wouldn't have been the timing we wanted. But God Sloan, I wanted it."

Sloan felt cold. Empty. She couldn't even muster the energy to be upset. Her face was a mask. She was silent for a long time. Sloan opened her mouth to speak-

Mac knocked on the door and Sloan put on her faux smile as the woman poked her head in. "Hi there. Sloan? Sorry- Charlie is asking for you." She waved briefly to Don before shutting the door, leaving them once again in silence.

Don took in and let out a breath. "Don't open the package on your desk. Just save it." Don found a little UC Berkley onesie online and picked it up about an hour ago. He thought she would love to see where she did her undergrad on their baby's chest. "I should go do some stuff. We're still on for dinner tonight, right?" He stood up, coming around his desk to give her a hug.

His hug very nearly broke her. Her arms came around him and gave him a squeeze. Sloan shut her eyes tight. All she could think about was that word. Over and over. Negative. Not pregnant. The doctor told her that she was probably just stressed and her hormones were off.

Sloan nodded to him and gave him a weak smile. "Yeah. I'll let you get on with your day. See you later." Standing as tall as she could, Sloan walked to her office.

On her desk was a tiny ribbon wrapped white box. Don't open it, he said. Save it. Biting the inside of her cheek, shaking fingers pulled at the tie and tipped open the box.

A tiny white onesie, folded to show the little crest on the chest; A blue bear on a bright yellow background. University of California Berkeley written beneath the bear.

Shutting the box quickly, she tied it back up, opened the bottom right drawer of her desk and placed it inside, shutting it as though something would escape.

Across the bullpen she saw Don speaking with Elliot and Will. Tears fell silently down Sloan's face before her phone rang. Charlie was calling for her.

Don walked to Sloan's office to tell her he was ready to go back to their apartment to get ready for dinner. Everything was set and handed over to Mac for the 10 pm show. It was a slowish day so he was less worried about her than he might have been. Not that Mac couldn't handle any kind of day.

Knocking once he stepped into her office. "Ready to go home and change?" He asked, feeling as though the joy he felt this morning had been sucked out of him.

Sloan was still fairly quiet, not trusting herself to speak. Everything would come out in one big teary scream. Work was making her skin crawl; all she wanted to do was go home and cry herself to sleep.

Nodding, she finished shutting down her console and picked up her purse. "Yeah. That would be good."

Don stepped into her office, his arms opening up. He didn't want to start talking about it here but he felt that he would be remiss if he didn't at least give her a hug. He closed his eyes and took in a deep breath. "We'll talk at home." With her he was home. His place, more often her place, work. It didn't matter.

Sloan murmured to him that she appreciated the hug, but she silently wondered as they parted her office, hand in hand, if she would be able to feel better once they spoke. Her fingers threaded with his as they were able to hail a cab and make for her place.

Don was quite all the way to Sloan's apartment. he didn't say anything as he took his leather jacket off and hung it up. "I can't do this anymore." He announced as he sat down on the couch, putting his head in his hands. "I can't pretend that I don't feel like something we never had wasn't ripped away from us."

Looking up he tried to keep his anger in check but he felt demonstrable angry. "I am done Sloan. Done going half in and done playing games. I messed up. I messed up big time with you. If I could go back to when I told you Janey got engaged and drop a hint I was close to asking you I would. If anything these last few weeks showed me just how much baggage we both had. But it also showed me I don't want to unpack it with anyone else."

She dropped her jacket on the back of the sofa and gaped at him. "Then don't pretend!" Her voice rose. "When I'm telling you in earnest that I could be pregnant, in tears, terrified, I'd rather you don't pretend. You don't think I feel the same? Empty?" She looked up at him after taking a breath and hanging her head. "I thought we worked through all this already. Was I wrong?"

"I don't want to wait 6 months to ask you to marry me. I don't want to see you wearing that ring on your right hand when it belongs on your left." Don yelled, leaping to his feet. "I was scared and I reacted badly. I put up walls and I get angry and I didn't talk to you. For two days I did everything wrong instead of acting like an adult."

Don went to the kitchen and grabbed a beer, needing something to drink and wanting the buzz. "But come on Sloan. We live together. I haven't been to my place in nearly 10 days. We live together if I have a place or not. I've asked you to marry me three times and you haven't said yes period yet." He tipped the can up, downing half the beer down his throat.

"And then, on our one year anniversary you tell me you might be pregnant. Only a few weeks after we fought and made up and started to be ok again. And you know what I felt? I felt so fucking happy that I was the guy that did it. I was the guy that knocked you up. I was the guy that you were tied to for 18 years. I was good enough to do something no one had with you." Don was panting now, nearly shaking with energy. "And I bought you that gift and I started thinking of names and looking at schools. I started to plan. I started to build our little family in my head. And then you tell me you're not. And it's not your fault and if you aren't then you never were, but God it was like a shot to my gut. Because I wanted it and I wanted you. I wanted it Sloan. Me. Don Keefer. I wanted my girlfriend to be pregnant by me. I wanted to be someones daddy."

It was her turn to yell and lash out. "Don't you *dare* throw that on me right now." She stepped up to him, into his space and held out the hand that showed his ring. "You don't think this means something? It does to me, no matter the goddamned finger it's sitting on." Her whole body shook and she had to take a step back to try to calm herself.

It didn't work.

"I said yes. My yes wasn't good enough for you. Do you know what I felt like, thinking that I'd be pregnant? My first thought was watching you play with our little girl- reading her bedtime stories. And yeah! I didn't think you'd want to stay after I told you. Then I saw the little onesie- with the tiny cub claw print-" She took a sharp breath in, shaking her head.

"And another fucking thing-" She turned on him again, one hand on her hip, the other at her temple. "I'm not about to marry you when we can't even go two weeks without a fight. This is a big deal, Don. Huge. I need you to *talk to me*. Talk to me and I'll try to talk to you. But what's the point if we don't?"

Don put the beer down. "You want me to talk to you?" He asked, heading back to the couch. "When I was younger I got someone pregnant. It was after Amanda turned me down. She was nice, sort of like Maggie but more so." Don started playing with his fingers. "She lost the baby. But if she hand't I would have stayed. I would have forced myself to stay. It would have been a living hell but I would have stayed."

He looked up at her once again. "With you there is no forcing. With you I stay because I have no where else I rather be. This? This fight, I would rather stay here and fight with you than be on a beach with any woman. I rather be so angry I want to rip my hair out with you than be balls deep in another woman. That's love right there." He snorted, resting his head on the back of the couch.

Sloan walked into the entrance to the kitchen and just stood, watching him. "You say that you love me. That you want to be with me and start a family and all of it. But you don't even tell me that you could've been a dad, Don. So, what- you would've asked her to get rid of it?

"We live here and I hold you at night and *all* I feel..." She sucked in a breath, never once having bared this much of herself to anyone. "Is that I'm losing myself in you. That when you leave, and it is only a matter of time, that little voice in the back of my head telling me that I can't keep your attention in the end will be right. You'll leave and I'll be broken."

She gestured to the beer can, to the scars on his hands. "How many times do I need to tell you that I love you before *you* get it? How many punches do you need to take for it to sink in?"

"When I was 16 I dated Susie Porter. She was my first. I broke up with her because she was too needy. At 17 I had two weeks of dating Milly Wilson. Nothing really to note there. Then Dana Carson. Again nothing. Amanda was next and you know the damage she did to me. Then Kate, the one that was pregnant. And the point was I didn't ask her to get rid of it. I would have stayed if she hadn't miscarried." Don tried to remember who came next. 

"Some of the one night stands happened before Jane. Jane taught me to bottle things up. She hated talking about feelings. Hated mess." Don ran a hand though his hair. "More one night stands. Maggie was next. You saw most of my relationship with her. You saw that I was trying to be someone I wasn't because I thought I needed a girl like her." Don wanted to break down each of them. Show her his relationship history, show her that he was done hiding big important things from her. "And then you. You're the last. You're the final one. I don't want anyone to come after you."

Don snorted as he put it together in his mind. "You know it's funny Sloan. You and I have the same issue. We both feel we're not going to be good enough to keep the other around. That we're going to get too invested. We're going to love the other too much and they are going to walk away. You got your heart smashed by a man who never deserved you. And here I am thinking I'm the same as he was. Thinking I don't deserve you either. But fuck it, I'll be the asshole who says it. I deserve you. Because I'm here. Because I'm fighting for you, for us. You and me, we're all that matters at the end of the day. So what do you say to that?"

"You're not Damon! You don't spend hundreds of thousands of dollars on ridiculous flashy cars and yachts, trying to prove that your dick isn't the size of a crayon- I know you aren't him!" She yelled at him, just frustrated. "But no one until you treated me like he did- not as good when it was good, and not ever as bad when it was as bad. I thought that when we got married he'd change. He'd be nicer to me when he drank. When he got angry, he'd calm down and let me have my goddamned space.

"The other guys didn't amount to anything more than a few months each of some fun now and then and otherwise just empty promises. Three I dumped. The rest dumped me."

She gestured to him, eyes narrowing. "What do I say to that? I say that I want to go hunt down Jane and check her into a fucking snowbank. I *know* that I'm worth you. I deserve you- I'm the best fucking thing that's ever happened to you. You're still incredibly fucking dumb, Don. I love you, and you're sleeping on that fucking couch tonight."

"Yeah but I'm still sleeping here. Because this is home." Don whispered. "I'm not being kicked out of your apartment. I'm being sent to the couch." For some reason this made Don happy. Because if she was mad he should be sent to his apartment not the couch. She didn't want him out of her apartment she just wanted to send him a room away.

"Yes. The couch." She crossed her arms stubbornly, tears in her eyes. "Because I want to suffocate you in your pillow." Sloan sniffled as she kicked off her shoes with a mumble. Dammit all. Why was everything so fucking hard? So soul-suckingly awful?

"Come here." Don reached a hand out. "I want to talk to you. Just talk. No more yelling and no more walls. I just want to talk to my girlfriend and cuddle while we do it. Can we do that, please?" He asked. The anger was gone. So were the reasons for rushing and the reasons for holding back. He might as well be buck naked in front of her. He was free. She might not be but he was. And what a feeling it was.

"Fine." Sloan could be petulant like a child and right now she didn't care. She walked a few steps towards him and reached out for his hand with hers.

Don tugged her just hard enough she feel on his lap. He wrapped her up in his arms and signed contently. "I'm happy Sloan. I don't know why but I feel good. I feel happy." He kissed over her neck lightly. "We can talk about what you need to. And we can figure out how to go forward. But right now I am a happy man with the woman I am madly in love with on my lap. Beat that with a stick."

She rest her head on his and sighed, tears still tracking down her face. Arms loosely wrapped around his neck and threw up her hands briefly. "Nope, I give up. I'm too tired. And too hungry. I ate 1/8 of a waffle all day. And I still have to give you your surprise. If you want it."

Don kissed her shoulder, using a finger to wipe her tears away. "I haven't given you your second gift either." He kissed the top of her hear. "Are you alright? Just tell me if you are or not. We don't have to talk it over right now but I need you to tell me if you are or not."

Her face fell finally, fully. "No. I was really hoping I was going to have a baby." There it was. The full honest truth. "I wanted your baby. I'm not alright- but with you, I will be."

Don moved his hand to her belly. "You will make a really great mom one day." He kissed her jaw, trying to make her feel better. "Sam is going to be just like you I think. She's going to have your brains, God willing." He smiled at the thought of a little kid reading the stocks on her mother's lap. "And maybe she'll like sports like we do. I bet she'll beg to stay up to watch games and end up cracking on my lap."

She smiled sadly. This had not been a good day, but the ending was perfect. Their day was ending as it should- wrapped up in one another. "You'll let her stay up. She'll wear a tiny jersey to match yours, Bubba."

"You know I am going to spoil her. And she's going to be my little Senior Producer. I'm going to let her work with me because any kid that's part me and part you is going to grow up at ACN." Don thought of their daughter coloring in the control room. Asking questions between interviews. "We can have that Sloan. No condoms, a few months of trying. It's possible."

She pulled herself closer to him, and rest her cheek against his heart. "I want that. I want us to have that someday." She held up her right hand, showing him the ring. "Are you alright with me wearing this?"

"I want it on your other hand but I can't keep pushing you to marry me. It won't work if I'm dragging you and pressing you and making you feel bad because you're not ready. If you're not ready to marry me then yes. I am absolutely alright with you wearing it on your right hand." Don had to give it up. The more he asked and hounded her the more she was going to resent him. That wasn't what he wanted to go into their marriage with.

She nuzzled him. "Good answer." Sloan knew he was going to be the one she married; when, she wasn't sure. Not right now.

"So what happens now?"

"That is the question." Don closed his eyes to enjoy the feeling of holding her. "I want to marry you, you want to marry me but some things need to be sorted. Once they are I say we get married. Pull the goalie from the net and get you pregnant. Then we spend the next 30 or 40 years doing the news together."

She pulled back to look into his eyes. The memory of their first meeting so clear in her mind. "50. Let's go all the way. I'll keep feeding you salad and make you come running with me everyday." Sloan touched his cheek. The I love you that spilled from her lips now was more impassioned, more intense than those uttered when they made love.


	3. Chapter 3

Written with the incomparable e-anomaly . tumblr . com!

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><p>Christmas was always Don's favorite holiday. Giving gifts, eating a big meal, being with the other he loved. It was always the one day a year he left his cynicism at the door and embraced the joy. And on the second Christmas he and Sloan were together he was going to pull all the stops out.<p>

He checked everything over one more time before he walked into the bedroom with a breakfast try. Waffles, coffee, juice, eggs, bacon, toast and a copy of the New York Times. He made Sloan breakfast in bed for Christmas morning. They were going to his family's for dinner later but this morning was all them. He hoped the gifts he got her, and the big final gift, would set the tone for the upcoming year.

"Sloan, babe, wake up. It's Christmas morning." He said, sitting the try on his side of the bed before reaching over to put his hand on her shoulder.

His voice roused her, Sloan stretching and reaching over her head to touch the headboard lightly with her fingertips. What a good dream she had during the night, one that made her blush and giggle and moan Don's name lightly. Their sex life often replayed in her dreams. What she noted quite proudly is that details didn't change. Sloan was that satisfied, they didn't have to.

Her eyes opened and they smiled even before her lips did. "Hey Bubba." Her hand covered his. "Merry Christmas." Sloan took a deep breath in rolling over gently towards he and the tray of food. "Ooh, waffles *and* the New York Times all before I get up? It *must* be Christmas." Her blanketed form wriggled forward to nuzzle his nose with her, lips meeting his softly before she sat up and reached for the coffee and a crispy piece of bacon.

"Marry Christmas." Don leaned in to the kiss. He handed her to the try before slipping back into his spot. "We have breakfast now, we'll do our gifts when we're done here and then we have some down time before we go to my family." Don snagged a piece of toast, taking a bite.

He had been up for a few hours. He made sure all of Sloan's gifts were wrapped and then wrapped the ones they were taking today. The benefit of being in a relationship he found was being able to give joint gifts. "All their gifts are by the door ready to go."

"Marry Christmas." Don leaned in to the kiss. He handed her to the try before slipping back into his spot. "We have breakfast now, we'll do our gifts when we're done here and then we have some down time before we go to my family." Don snagged a piece of toast, taking a bite.

He had been up for a few hours. He made sure all of Sloan's gifts were wrapped and then wrapped the ones they were taking today. The benefit of being in a relationship he found was being able to give joint gifts. "All their gifts are by the door ready to go."

Sloan flipped through the newspaper, eating with gusto and reaching out to caress his cheek. "Thanks honey. I'm horrible at wrapping- you know that much." Tape everywhere and somehow she would manage to get just the very end of the wrapping paper, not able to cover anything beyond the shape of a triangle.

She'd made sure to hide the first edition book for him under the sink in the bathroom, in case he decided to snoop. A cashmere scarf, gloves and hat for him in a sleek dark grey and black stripe went along with it.

Don ate beside her, wanting to make sure that he wasn't starving when he got to his family meal later. "I wanted to save us the trouble of having you wrap things. Because there was not enough wrapping paper in all of New York for that.

Don spent weeks looking for just the right gift. He ending up getting her a spa weekend, he'd be golfing while she went to the spa, upstate. He got her a leather bag she could take with her when she taught. Big enough to fit everything in, all the term papers she could assign.

Downing the last of her coffee, she leaned over and pat his leg. "Ha. Ha." Sloan winked and made to stand up and sway to the closet. "I'm going to grab the clothes. Do you want me to set yours out before we shower while you clean up the tray and we get to unwrapping?" She needed a few minutes to sneak out her gifts, but they were already bagged- no wrapping needed. Just perfect.

"Please. You are much better at picking my things out than I am. And Mom will want a family photo so I want to look nice." Don leaned over to grab her coffee mug before heading to the kitchen. Her gifts were in two bags under the three. A third gift was hidden away.

As soon as she heard the water running, Sloan leapt from bed and into the bathroom to grab the two bags. Her clothes were sleek- chiffon top, dark skinny jeans and an open wine colored sweater. The bags were hidden now beneath the pile of blankets, under her clothes.

"I'm gonna turn on the water!" Sloan called to him and grabbed her favorite outfit for him. Blue button down, dark sweater and cuffed jeans. Allow him for some comfort.

The hot water filled the room with steam and she stepped beneath the spray, sighing and rubbing over her face.

Don cleaned up before entering the bathroom and stripping. He slipped in the shower, his hands finding Sloan's hips. "Can I tell you how glad I am that you have a big shower?" He started to kiss the back of her neck while she was soaping herself up. "Because not showering with you would be a sin."

Don knew there was time for sex and he was very much wiling to have it. But it would have to be condomless if they were in the shower. Though he could always pull out. "I love you Sloan." He whispered as he moved his hand forward to caress her.

Sloan reacted to him immediately, rubbing herself against him as he touched her so intimately. One hand reached up and back to touch his neck, his hair. "Mmm. Kiss my neck." She urged him. Sex in the shower was high on her list of pluses. Another rotation of her hips and she sighed.

Don did as he was asked, moving his lips over her neck. "I love you." Two fingers moved inside of her as his thumb played with her bundle of nerves. He wanted her to feel like she was going to combust. "I can pull out if you want me inside of you." He grunted, hard against the small of her back. "Chances are on our side if I do."

One hand braced against the shower wall as she put a foot up onto the faucet, arching herself towards him. "I want you... I love you, Donny." Her hand covered his and she moaned, rocking her hips over his fingers. "I need you in me."

Shifting his hand out of her Don picked Sloan up, facing him. "Yeah, I'm happy to help you with that." He smirked as he thrusted inside of her. There was something about the first few thrusts that always made him feel cocky. "Hot warm and you around my cock. Merry fucking Christmas."

Her head fell back against the shower wall, her legs tight around his waist, held up by his arms, the hands on her ass. This angle was magnificent, nevermind the sensation of his body buried within her without any barriers. Sloan was speechless at first, bending her neck to kiss him hungrily, able to only moan his name between breaths.

"Condoms suck." Don muttered as he moved against her. He knew why they used them and he wouldn't suggest not using them regularly but they still sucked. "You on the other hand don't." Don kissed her shoulder as he moved against her. Thankfully he was stong enough to do this without one of them being hurt.

Sloan moved against him and agreed, pressing down on him, forcing him deeper. They did not enjoy this often, but at this moment she never wanted to use another condom again. One hand up into his hair, she kissed him again. "I love this. I love feeling you..." God, she wanted to feel him cum.

"I'm going to cum." Don muttered into her ear. He had been thrusting so long the water wasn't very hot anymore. It was more lukewarm and the steam was gone too. He needed to pull out, to thrust in his hand and finish off. But he didn't want to. He wanted to push forward and finish off in her.

Sloan's moans grew louder and louder, bouncing on his cock. Her mouth against his ear, she begged him, so very close herself. "Cum in me. Fill me up..." Hot open mouth kisses over his neck urged him on as she came with a cry.

Don was about the protest when Sloan's orgasm sucked the fight out of him. he pushed forward and held on to her as his orgasm hit. He whimpered though it, feeling her body react to his. "Shit." He whispered as he pulled back, letting her down. "Used the shower head. It will help clean my cum out." He muttered, his hands on his knees.

She loved that feeling, his warmth within her. Sloan loved him. "Baby..." She ran a hand down his back. "It's okay." She soothed. "It's okay." Sloan wasn't worried. She wasn't. Where they were now wasn't where they were last year and before that. Shower head in hand, she rinsed over her thighs, her body. "I like feeling you in me."

"I'm alright." Don nodded, adjusting the water to give them more heat. "I'm not nervous. If you do get pregnant we'll be ready, prepared." Don kissed her, trying to show her that he meant it. "Now hurry up so we can go do gifts. I can't wait for you to see yours."

Sloan finished up as quickly as she could, hopping from the shower and beginning to dry in a hurry. Leaving her hair to air dry fully, she pulled on her clothes and sang to herself. Santa, Baby, just slip a sable under the tree... Her voice was breathy and flirtatious, the feeling of overwhelming closeness to Don lifting her spirit to heights never felt before. "I'll be in the living room!" She called to him, his gifts in hand.

An hour later Don was sitting on the floor. His new hat was on his head and his scarf was around his neck. He flipped though the book she got him, grinning. "You might be the best gift giver." He leaned over and kissed her tenderly.

"I love one more gift for you. It's something that I think you're really going to like." Don had the ring in the pocket of the jacket. He'd taken it in to be sized as a way to get it off of her right hand. "Stay here." He walked to the hall closet to grab it.

"Okay!" Sloan called out to him, posing with her brand new leather bag in the mirror, looking this way and that. It was big enough for all of her tech *and* her makeup bag. The certificate to the spa in her hand. She would get a hot stone massage after a facial and body wrap. Don wouldn't be able to stop touching her, a lovely result.

Sloan smiled at herself in the mirror, truly happy. She still remembered every fight, every loving moment; everything that had made her laugh out loud. Looking over at the couch, she got a bit emotional. Sloan had been sitting right there when she got up the nerve to call him. That phone call began all of this.

Don walked out with the leather jacket he had made for her. A perfect copy of his just smaller. "I wanted you to have something that would keep you warm when I'm not there to do it." He held it open so she could try it on. He needed her to try it on and find the ring.

The bag and certificate ended up on the couch as both hands covered her mouth in a gasp. "Oh my god... That's- That's your leather jacket. Down to the seams on the pockets!" She choked up, moving to hug him tightly before putting her arms inside and cooing.

"Aww... this is just amazing!" Sloan smiled brightly at him, tears wetting her lashes. Bouncing happily, she touched over the fine black leather and closed her eyes. "Nothing keeps me as warm as you do, though..." Hands moved down towards the hem, pausing to dip into the pockets and pose for him...

... When her fingers touched a ring.

Don dropped down to him knee when the ring was pulled out of her pocket. He plucked it from her fingers, looking up at her. "I know that my tract record isn't great when it comes to asking you to marry me. I know we've both have pasts that have left us with dents and scars." Don took his hand in hers, giving her his most hopeful smile. "I don't know what tomorrow will be like or the day after that. But there are some things that I want to promise you in this moment. Some things I want you to always expect." Don took a breath.

"I promise to always buy you the New York Times on Sunday mornings after brunch so you can yell at the crossword puzzle while I lay next to her chuckling and Googling for you. I promise to try to keep up with you when you're talking about some economic theory I haven't ever heard of and then ask you questions later so I can get a better understanding of it. I promise to always be there for you when you are crashing but need to be on the air in 90 seconds to cover the world going though hell. Because in our line of work there are going to be nights like that. I promise I am always going to come home to you, I am always going to have a pair of arms that will hold you." Sloan was quickly becoming a go to Anchor right behind Will.

"I love you Sloan. I love working with you. I love watching you work. I love knowing that the very first time you hosted a primetime show yourself I was the guy in your ear. You will always be the best thing about my life. I want to have that little girl we've already both started planning for. We're ready for this Sloan. Marry me, please?"

Both hands grasped his as she listened to him, every word bringing tears to her eyes. He brought up the crosswords and Sloan let out a laugh. There was nothing about this that she would change, nothing about this moment that rang false to her.

She found not a perfect man in Don, but a good man. A decent man. The man she wanted to spend the rest of her life with. So there was only one answer for him, only one that she wanted to say.

"Yes."

Don moved to put the ring on her finger before he stood up. "We're getting married." He whispered, cupping her cheek in one hand and holding her close with his other arm. "We're getting fucking married." He laughed as he soaked in that she said yes. Not yes but ask again. Just yes.

The ring, the ring that she loved so dearly, now sat securely upon her ring finger. Warmth enveloped her as she repeated her answer, caressing his cheek and standing on tiptoe to kiss him deeply. "Yes." This was her new favorite word.


End file.
